A toast to the all the men who marry a girl half their age because a woman made him feel ashamed of putting his cock in her mouth. A toast to the subversive princesses who effortlessly fool older men with their charming act of innocence. At fault is the stupidity that mother nature has endowed us with to keep the shenanigans going. To all the girls I've invited into my life who surreptitiously took it over and made up for all the disappointed women who shook their head at my peevishness and gave up on the dream of not having to fall in love with an old fart.

I stumble on the stairs in the dark because there is a light switch downstairs but not upstairs. The people who built this house coconspirators who aspire to embarrass me. Good thing they can't see me in the dark. Or they'd have a laugh at my fat ass.

I'm in love with my 19 year old neighbor and she's in love with me. We've never met. Her blond hair and her tan skin in the sun. She's unpacking things from her car. It's shorts weather. God put me here in front of this window this morning to witness this perfect being. The leaves circling in the wind. They show their face to me and turn back again on the merrygoround wind. I write on each one as it goes by: In my old age I have a cock that works. I indeed have those fantasies, she writes back. But no one must know. In the dark and in silence then my dear.

Sometimes I look up at my young wife at breakfast when she's not looking at me. Her ease and her comfort. Her playing house in here like she learned in her childhood bedroom like she learned from her mother. I reach across the table and slap her. I curse God as loud as I can. I blink. She says do I want some blueberries. Of course I want some damn blueberries. She comes over. She kisses the corner of my mouth. And she runs her fingers through my hair in that way. In my old age I have a cock that works.